Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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