I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
