Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
