Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
