Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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