Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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