One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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