i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize