Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
