I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
