he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
