I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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