Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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