i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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