It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
