The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
