Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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