Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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