I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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