I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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