So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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