I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
