Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
