Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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