let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
