did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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