That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
