My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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