But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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