No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
