I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
