Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
