I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
