If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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