there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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