hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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