I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My bed smells like the plague
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
