She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
