My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
