So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
