If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
