You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
