Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
