is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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