we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize