And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
