He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
