Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
