She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
