I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
