this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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