Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
