Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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