Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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