Got a toothbrush?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
