i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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