there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
