period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
