I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
