Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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