I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
