Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
