So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
