I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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