Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
