I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
