glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
