I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
