So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
