After last night, I could never be a politician.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
