I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
