The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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