just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize