Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
