Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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