So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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